


i will be brief: your noble son is mad

by abbean



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Gen, POV Second Person, and according to chemistry alcohol IS a solution, bc apparently i can't write ferb if he doesn't have booze, he's got to cope with being constantly sidelined in his own show, just in the sense that it's far enough in the future that the boys can legally drink, tw for talk of abuse / controlling partners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:33:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23554594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbean/pseuds/abbean
Summary: As they catch up with Vanessa, Phineas has plenty of words to describe her best friend’s awful boyfriend.  Ferb, not so much.
Relationships: Ferb Fletcher/Phineas Flynn, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz & Ferb Fletcher, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz & Ferb Fletcher & Phineas Flynn, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz & Phineas Flynn, it's not overt bc the fic is the size of a postcard but that's the intention, they're frens
Comments: 2
Kudos: 63





	i will be brief: your noble son is mad

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a joke in a discord server. speaking of discord servers, the unofficially official [phinferb discord](https://discord.gg/A4YkvEV)! come hang with us as the world falls to utter shambles. as always, feel free to drop me a line.

“So, he takes a bat,” Vanessa says, “and he smashes in her windshield. Just completely shatters it.”

“No _way_ ,” Phineas says, eyes going wide.

You click your tongue over the rim of your martini before taking a long sip.

“I’m trying to get her to press charges, but Lacey’s such an idiot when it comes to him. Even now, she’s all, ‘But, Vanessa, he’s really sorry! He only did it because he thought I was texting another guy! If he loved me any less, it wouldn’t have bothered him that much!’” She heaves a loud sigh, lifting a hand from the table to run her fingers through her hair. “I swear, I don’t know what to do with her sometimes.”

“That boyfriend sounds like a real jerk,” Phineas says, his mouth twisting. “I mean, seriously! Even if he thought she was cheating on him—and he could’ve _asked_ if he was really that worried about it— _trashing her car?_ Will her insurance even cover that? And what’s she supposed to do in the meantime? I mean, what a—like, he’s such a total—you know—”

As he stammers, not finding the words, you finish your drink, sit your glass on the table, and drape an arm alongside the top of the booth just over Phineas’ shoulders.

“What he’s trying to say is,” you tell Vanessa, “fuck that guy.”

Phineas stops short, blinks, reddens slightly, and then nods in agreement. “Yeah,” he says. “That.”

Brevity, Shakespeare said, is the soul of wit.


End file.
